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This is another safe way to see if both of you enjoy dirty talking together. Tell her everything you’re going to do to her about five to ten seconds before you actually do it. For starters, dirty names are the perfect way to take a walk down the road of dirty talk.

What is dirty talk?

Porn is an obvious place to hunt for inspiration for examples of how to talk dirty, though Dr. Jansen suggests looking in the ethical porn or feminist porn category to ensure that it’s mutually respectful. Some of the best inspiration for dirty talk during sex can also be pulled from erotic fiction. Plus, as both Manta and Dr. Jansen mentioned, you can always find your way into sex forums and dating apps. Talk about the sexual fantasies that turn you on. Tease your boo with naughty thoughts and even discuss playful punishments.

Idioms and Phrases

The trick to successful sexting is keeping it genuine, having fun, and consensual. Dirty talk is all about expressing your erotic desires, kinks, and fantasies. It’s the verbal equivalent of that sizzling eye contact with your partner, the kind that says, “It’s on.” Or that tells your partner exactly what you’re enjoying or hoping they’ll do next. Sean is the editor of Bad Girls Bible and responsible for recruiting our team of sex and relationship experts. And best of all, you don’t need to do anything weird or uncomfortable to start having the best orgasms and sex of your life.

• When we’re actively having sex, Dr. Jansen says, “our minds tend to choose a path of least resistance” and fall back on the phrases we’ve been repeating for years as the quickest way to reach orgasm during sex.
• That’s all the dirty talk he’ll need to start a steamy restroom makeout session.
• You can send these any way you like (Facebook, text, email, Snapchat, etc.).
• “Mutualistic dirty talk is sexy because it’s a positive bid to connect with your partner.

There’s no need to get fancy or poetic; you’re not writing an essay for AP Lit, okay? Cock and pussy are good, acceptably filthy places to start. They’re taboo enough that you wouldn’t say them around your boss, but they’re also not disrespectful or clinical, which is exactly the tone you should be going for. Often women are too critical and shy about their bodies and thus avoid this position.

Simple commentary like, “Mmmm that’s making me so hot/hard/wet,” can keep things spicy and moving along well. “Shorter is better—especially as you expand your comfort zone,” says Antonia Hall, M.A., psychologist, relationship expert, and author of The Ultimate Guide to a Multi-Orgasmic Life. If you ask complicated questions that force your partner to have to stop and think, it could actually break the flow and mood. “You need to get used to saying the words, feeling them roll off your tongue, hearing them come out of your mouth,” says Laurel House, dating coach and resident sexpert for My First Blush. “One way to get into this is to dirty-talk to yourself out loud when you masturbate. Then start slowly dropping in a statement or asking a question in the dirty-talk style while having sex,” she says.

A wholly underrated strategy of dirty talk is simply saying what you like. “It feels so good when you X my Y,” is easy, dirty, and hot. In this same vein, having sex with someone is one of the few times it’s totally acceptable to comment on their body (in a positive, loving way!).

Dirty talk doesn’t have to be an elaborate production. Begin with simple phrases like “You’re so sexy.” You can gradually introduce more explicit language as you gain confidence and figure out what you like. You can take inspiration from porn or movies, but be sure to give it your own twist. Think about what turns you on and create a list of words, scenarios, or fantasies that arouse you.

Instead, let it support everything else that’s happening in the bedroom. In other words, don’t feel the need to tell your partner something ~spicy~ while going at it if it doesn’t feel natural to you in the heat of the moment. From here, people can figure out a non-sexual time to explore what type of dirty talk they prefer and how it makes them feel. “You could even role-play dirty talk to get a feeling of what it’s like.

And if you’re having partnered sex, don’t use words or phrases that feel unnatural to you just because you think it’s what your partner will like. Dirty talk can be romantic, then build up to something more graphic and back again. Here are some tips on how to make sex last longer if pacing, in general, tends to be something you struggle with. That said, in the event that you hit a snag during dirty talk, remember that sexy time doesn’t necessarily need to stall out unless someone becomes really uncomfortable. Experimenting with role play is another way to break out of formulaic dirty talk and inspire more creativity.

This lets your partner into your world no matter how far away they are. Your partner doesn’t want to hear you reading from a sexy script — they want to hear what you’re loving and why. A well-timed, arousing text message can add spark to any relationship, whether you’re in a long-distance relationship, in a situationship, or just looking to keep things spicy with your committed partner.